Not long ago I had a bad few days. Maybe it was the winter blues. Or maybe it was just my broken, sinful self.
You see I like perfection. And I want perfection in my life. I want a perfect marriage, a perfect home, perfect sons, a perfect dog, a perfect credit score and an overflowing back account to go with it, perfect relationships with my family and friends, perfect results from anything I put my hands to, and perfect people skills.
Well, as you already know, because I'm human and so are you, I do not see perfection in any area of my life. In fact in some areas of my life, I am far, far away from perfection. And I let that bother me.
Sadly I let discontentment set in. And being discontent is the pits. I know how incredibly blessed I am. I know that I am rich compared to most of the rest of the world. I know I have freedoms others only dream of. I know my house is perfectly lovely. I know there are people who wish they had a home and food for their children. I know some people ache and wish and desire with all their heart to have a family. I know all of that and still I let discontentment grow in my heart.
I looked around my house and only noticed cracks in the wall, painting that needed to be done, flooring that needed replaced, furniture that was worn, and curtains that had seen better days.
I thought of all the things in my life that I want to do that seem impossible. I told myself that life will never change, and that those passions and dreams that I know God put in my heart, needed to be given up and forgotten and that they would never come to pass.
I thought of the things I want to do, even good things to help people, that take an abundance of money that I don't have.
I thought of some of the flawed relationships I have. And how for some of those relationships I had messed up and things would never be quite right.
I even told myself that I had no talent, no gift, nothing special to give to the world.
Yes, the winter blues. Or an attack from the evil one.
My friend came over to pick her son up and we sat in the backyard for a little bit visiting. I thought of all the things that needed refreshing in the backyard, and the rotting wood, and the neighbors junk pile that's visible from our backyard. She gushed about the trees, the chimenea, the sitting area, and how nice the backyard was. She noticed only the wonderful things about my backyard and not the imperfections.
I read some blogs and noticed their professional layout, their beautiful photography, their clever posts, and felt that my blog was lacking and what I had to say was less and what was the point of it all.
Thankfully, God slowly begin to work on my "stinking thinking". (By the way I think my Dad used that phrase in one of his sermons.) Something clicked in me. I'm throwing off that yoke of perfection. I'm done with comparing myself to others. I'm finding beauty in the broken and flawed. I'm repenting of making life all about me and my pride and my comfort. I'm praying for a humble heart. I'm believing that everything will be made beautiful in its time (Ecclessiastes 3:11). I'm remembering that he who began a good work in me will bring it to completion (Philippians 1:6). I'm holding on to the promise that all things work together for good to them that love God (Romans 8:28).
"People throw away what they could have by insisting on perfection, which they cannot have, and looking for it where they will never find it." Edith Schaeffer
"Were I to await perfection, my book would never be finished." Chinese Proverb
God's will for my life may be a life filled with imperfection. Yet He will use all the imperfections in my life for something good.
I Thessalonians 5:18
Give thanks in all circumstances; for this is the will of God in Christ Jesus for you.
The thief comes only to steal and kill and destroy. I came that they may have life and have it abundantly.
So I'm embracing all the imperfection in my life. I'm going to continue to dream. And I'm going to put my hand to the plow and work on my blog, my life, my home, and my relationships and NEVER expect perfection. I will not compare myself to others. I will be content with my life. I'm giving everything I am and hope to be to God. I'm not alone. I'm not abandoned. I totally and completely trust that He holds me in His hands. And I'm excitedly expectant to see what God will do with my imperfection.
Pictures taken at my new favorite place - a meditation/ prayer walking track at a local church. It's open to the public and tucked away in a neighborhood and I love it.